I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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