My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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