i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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