IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
