I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize