OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
