and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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