her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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