I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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