Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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