woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You are the jesus of drinking
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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