My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
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I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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