You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You're like the curious george of whores
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
tell me about the fingering
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