Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
