I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
