Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
