I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My cat gives me a boner
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
