Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
