Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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