you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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