whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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