i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
