I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
