she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
