Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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