OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
