At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
