Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
