So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
