what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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