in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
