I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
