i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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