8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
