My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
