dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
