I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
