And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
