it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
