I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
