I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
