Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
