Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
