I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
