Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
