blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
