just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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