Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
