69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
a search helicopter?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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