nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The air was thick with penises
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
