my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
