i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
