there's paper in my vomit.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Enjoy the penises
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
