just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
