Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
