I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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