i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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