Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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