Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
