If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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