I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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