I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
