my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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