I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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