i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just blew my weed a kiss
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
