youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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