using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
only if we run a train.
done.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
