Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
