why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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