dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
false alarm. still invincible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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